Logline Revision Critiques #11

TITLE: Havoc's Knot

GENRE: YA Epic Fantasy

Original critique on MSFV

Logline: Jake had no idea a trip to the local museum would transform him from wallflower to warrior. When he accidentally takes the place of another boy, he also takes on a prophecy not intended for him. Now he must defeat the wolf king if he ever wants to see home again, or keep the people he loves alive.

Logline Revision Critiques #10

TITLE: Unwritten

GENRE: Contemporary Romance

Original critique on MSFV

Singer/songwriter Katherine Hayes has worked hard to achieve superstar status, and to guard a tragic secret from her past. When her estranged mother launches a smear campaign that threatens everything, Kate finds unlikely refuge with college professor Josh Randall, a man who sees through her defenses but is unwilling to take chances with his own heart. Now, Kate must overcome her traumatic past to repair her reputation and fight for her chance at love.

Logline Revision Critiques #9

TITLE: NOOKS & GRANNIES
GENRE: Humorous Paranormal
Original critique on MSFV

NOOKS & GRANNIES reveals childhood friends Keegan and Amelia as the late-bloomers they are--accepting their respective quirks and his homosexuality--while coping with ghostly whispers and levitating objects in Keegan's grandmother’s house. Comfortable with their misfit status, they now must learn how to react when two young men come along to shake up their mostly reclusive lives.

Logline Revision Critiques #8

TITLE: Through the Edgewood
GENRE: MG Fantasy Adventure
Original critique on MSFV

When 11 year-old Izzy's little sister is kidnapped by a faerie queen, she teams up with a band of orphan Changelings to rescue her. If Izzy fails, both her sister and the Changelings will end up as ingredients in the queen's youth elixir.

Logline Revision Critiques #7

TITLE: Beyond Chains and Stars

GENRE: YA Sci-Fi

Original critique on MSFV

When twins Chosi and Juhan are stolen from their home world and sold into slavery, they vow to return home. But with Chosi in the gladiator arena and her brother sold into political intrigue, keeping that vow might kill them.

Logline Revision Critiques #6

TITLE: Elemental Fire
GENRE: Upper MG Fantasy
Original critique on MSFV

Revised logline:
Grieving fourteen-year-old Brook discovers a gate to another world and inadvertently carries the gate key to the hub world of Tirasvara. Merrick, a stranded madman, seeks the key to control travel between Tirasvara and parallel Earths. Merrick’s plans would destroy all existing gates. If Brook doesn’t return it to her own world, while fighting the temptation use the key to flee to a world where her mother still lives, she’ll cause the same destruction.

Alternate format:
When fourteen-year-old Brook follows her physicist father though a gate to the world of Tirasvara, she discovers a plot to alter the physical laws governing travel between parallel worlds. If she can’t stop a madman determined to control access to all worlds, physical disasters will reverberate through her world and destroy her gateway home.

Logline Revision Critiques #5

TITLE: Dias de los Muertos: Days of the Dead

GENRE: Middle Grade

Original critique on MSFV

Thirteen-year-old Fortunato is left as the reluctant head of his dysfunctional family when his abusive father dies. After finding a 500-year-old journal, Fortunato learns of an ancient Aztec curse that threatens to destroy him and the rest of his family. Can he pacify the ghost of a murdered Aztec woman by replacing the artifact his ancestor stole, or will the death curse that has haunted his family for centuries claim Fortunato as well?