Logline Revision Critiques #7

TITLE: Beyond Chains and Stars

GENRE: YA Sci-Fi

Original critique on MSFV

When twins Chosi and Juhan are stolen from their home world and sold into slavery, they vow to return home. But with Chosi in the gladiator arena and her brother sold into political intrigue, keeping that vow might kill them.

Logline Revision Critiques #6

TITLE: Elemental Fire
GENRE: Upper MG Fantasy
Original critique on MSFV

Revised logline:
Grieving fourteen-year-old Brook discovers a gate to another world and inadvertently carries the gate key to the hub world of Tirasvara. Merrick, a stranded madman, seeks the key to control travel between Tirasvara and parallel Earths. Merrick’s plans would destroy all existing gates. If Brook doesn’t return it to her own world, while fighting the temptation use the key to flee to a world where her mother still lives, she’ll cause the same destruction.

Alternate format:
When fourteen-year-old Brook follows her physicist father though a gate to the world of Tirasvara, she discovers a plot to alter the physical laws governing travel between parallel worlds. If she can’t stop a madman determined to control access to all worlds, physical disasters will reverberate through her world and destroy her gateway home.

Logline Revision Critiques #5

TITLE: Dias de los Muertos: Days of the Dead

GENRE: Middle Grade

Original critique on MSFV

Thirteen-year-old Fortunato is left as the reluctant head of his dysfunctional family when his abusive father dies. After finding a 500-year-old journal, Fortunato learns of an ancient Aztec curse that threatens to destroy him and the rest of his family. Can he pacify the ghost of a murdered Aztec woman by replacing the artifact his ancestor stole, or will the death curse that has haunted his family for centuries claim Fortunato as well?

Logline Revision Critiques #4

TITLE: The Withering of Amblethorn
GENRE: YA Science Fiction
Original critique on MSFV

The girls of an exclusive New England school are disappearing only to be returned aged beyond recognition. When authorities brush the case aside two unlikely friends, school outcast Vera and social butterfly Peyton, team up to figure out who-or what- is behind it.

Logline Revision Critiques #3

Title: Running Down the Dragon

Genre: Adult Thriller/Fantasy

Original critique on MSFV

Thalia Drake of the U.S. Military's elite shapeshifter forces, and the world's last dragon, must stop a serial killer whose ultimate goal is exterminating shapeshifters. But stopping him means exposing the deadly secret she's hidden for thousands of years - her true identity.

Logline Revision Critiques #2

Title: ACE OF SHADES

Genre: YA steampunk fantasy

Original critique on MSFV

Seventeen-year-old Enne Alfero must find her lost mother in the shadow world before she loses herself in casino royales, hot street lords, and an unbreakable vow to work as an assassin that pits her against the city's politicians in a deadly game for her life.

Logline Revision Critiques #1

Title: CHRYSALIS
Genre: YA
Original critique on MSFV

Seventeen year-old Ivy Chapel is an archangel with amnesia.

William and Lucian, long time enemies, are both sent to retrieve the gift Ivy guards, the healing power for all mankind.

One wants her heart. One wants her soul. Will she be able to survive them both and save the world?